My Husband Eats Pens

I wrote the above poem yesterday and illustrated it today, as my comment on the 
Corona virus/Covid-19  pandemic and how it is effecting us. Basically we may or may not have had it, and I may or may not be trying to recover from it with my M.E./post viral chronic fatigue slowing the process, and it makes me so forgetful and muddled, it really seems to have taken up residence in my brain at present, this poem highlights (pardon the pun) its effects. Written of course in pencil. 

Derek

Derek is my entry for the Scribblers writing competition, it was written  to follow on from the first three paragraphs ending with "swung myself inside" which was provided for us, the Scribblers group, by last years winner Steve Puttick . I gained a Highly Commended for my entry, as did fellow Scribbler Helen for her work. I have to say it is a wee bit racey, those of a delicate disposition should look away, and it is definitely not for the under 16 year olds! 

111 words.

Derek

“Keep the change” I said as I alighted from the taxi. I stood there clutching my over-night bag, daunted by the ornate front of the building.

I squared my shoulders, walked towards the revolving door and swung myself inside.

It was dark already and being old and foolish I was in a hurry.

The hotel was just as beautiful as ever, with immaculate marble floor tiles leading to a shiny reception desk. A magnificent floral arrangement formed the centre piece to the foyer and around it were several comfortable leather Chesterfield sofas and armchairs. I walked briskly in my red slender heels to the reception desk and was greeted and given my room key immediately.

“It’s lovely to see you again Miss Hart, do have a good evening” said the young man at the desk.

Ostensibly I was there for a two day seminar on the Fruit Bat and its Environment, by Derek Demetri.

But the reality was bad, I was meeting Derek again, lying to my husband and my three daughters just so I could spend a blissful weekend with the love of my life.

My over-night bag was small, just enough room for a couple of silk negligees, one black the other red with fine lace trimmings, some deep red lipstick along with other essential items of make-up, stockings and suspender belts, perfumes and the skimpiest pairs of knickers I could find.

I needed him so badly, I got goose pimples just contemplating the forthcoming night, he would be waiting in our room, with curtains drawn, pouring Champagne while loosening his tie, next to the bunch of roses he had just brought for me.

We were perfect together. Derek was married too, of course, his family were nice enough, but his wife had lost interest in him, he said he was lonely at home, she was out every night to one club or another. That weekend she was staying at her brother’s house for his daughter’s twenty first birthday party.

His touch on my neck.....

My lips on his skin......

The scent of the roses......

Sweat and pleasure.......

I reached our room, and dipped the entry card into its slot, I was already kicking off my high heels in anticipation, as the lock released,

His lips on my feet....

His tongue licking my long smooth legs as he tugs on my knickers, his muscles as he carries me to the bed, a luxury king size four-poster, the smell of his cologne mingles with his sweat and the fresh silk sheets.

I kept myself trim for him, my husband Carl didn’t notice, he’s far too busy in the garage building his latest kit car, only happy when plastered with engine oil and playing with his nuts.

We had met ten years ago, my boss had sent me to one of his seminars it was called Bats, Ecology of their environments and its effect on bat diseases and health.

Derek was a world expert on bats and I was a Bat keeper at London Zoo, so we had plenty to talk about.

He invited me back to his room afterwards, it was a cold dark December evening, snow was settling outside our hotel, he had warm brandy and mince pies, who could resist? It was suggested that Derek knew so much about bats because he was a vampire. His sallow face, black hair and tall lean physique seemed to confirm what was whispered about him. Maybe I should have heeded the warning signs. But I was drawn to him and nothing could cut the cords of my attraction to him.

I didn’t take long to fall for his animal magnetism; his hot blooded maleness enveloped me in a new confidence, especially in bed! Suddenly I was no longer the shy wife who thought of England until it was over, I became a she wolf, a raging lioness, he had unleashed my inner tigress and nothing could stop me from wanting more!

So, the room was immaculate when I arrived, but within an hour there were clothes everywhere, a trail mainly from the door to the bed, the duvet and counterpane in a crumpled heap next to the bed.

Derek’s hot blooded ardour knew no bounds, when I thought we were all done, when I thought my desire was totally spent, he turned me over, our bodies reuniting with heat and lust renewed, then I screamed with ecstasy as he ran his tongue up my spine all the way to the nape of my neck, there he latched on a passionate love bite, teasing and sucking the thin delicate flesh there, sending tingles all over my body, how could he have such an effect on me? Such heightened desire moved me to cry out for more, I turned over to face him, he nibbled my shoulder tenderly he was pushing buttons that I thought had been turned off years ago. He poured champagne over my breasts and licked it off, so slowly that I screamed with delight. When he was done, I said “I want to give you a love bite too, my darling”

He licked the last drop of champagne off my right breast and gestured towards his strong, sinuous, neck, bending his head to one side so I could get clear access to it, his muscled arms open and inviting me to do my worst, his thick sensuous lips parted in a dreamy smile.

Tenderly my lips met his flesh, I could do nothing but bite him it was inevitable, my love affairs always ended badly no matter how hard I tried to make them work.

At that point in time, for me, the room seemed to vanish, vaguely I could hear Derek screaming as he tried to push me off, sadly for him his beautiful human muscles could never be strong enough to repel somebody like me, a four hundred year old vampire in the prime of her immortal life. I latched on to his neck, drinking in his delightful chocolaty pulse. Nothing else mattered.

The next thing I knew Carl my old man was pulling me off Derek’s body. Carl had followed me, but his intervention was only to save me, it was too late for poor Derek. We left discreetly by silently flying out of the bedroom window together, before the emergency services were summoned.

Derek’s husk of a handsome body lay lifeless under a single silk sheet, there were drops of blood like raspberry stains around his collar bone, or maybe even a ruby necklace, and on his neck were twin puncture wounds, left dry and white and bloodless. 

Christmas Glitter

About Christmas Glitter

The world is really struggling this year, we are all at war with the evil Corona Virus, including my country, Great Britain. I am terrified of it, as I already have post viral chronic fatigue syndrome/M.E.

And it was while I have been in lock down and self isolating anyway because we have both been ill for a while now with a virus which may or may not be The virus because we haven't been tested, and I don't want to even think about what I would have to be like before I would be tested, that I remembered the short story I wrote as homework for our writing group called The Scribblers, for our Christmas party in the middle of  December 2019, and how strange it was, well my stories are usually a bit on the strange side, but this one, well if one imagined the glitter was a virus, and the penguins were people with surgical masks on !............................. I am sure this was written before I heard anything of the Corona virus, and it was only written because I hated Christmas, but now if I live to see another Christmas I think I might like Christmas much more than usual.

Christmas Glitter

Father Christmas had been having trouble with his staff, it had developed wood worm, then it had messed up some of his magic spells, particularly the one he used to conjure up more Elves to help with the present’s delivery round. Instead of Christmas Elves flying in to help, he had got approx. 100 Penguins, waddling into his Grotto from all directions. They were flapping and squawking all around the present wrapping area of his Christmas Grotto. Not only were they noisy and unhelpful but they were also naughty! They had devoured Santa’s fruit and nut chocolates within an hour of their arrival. Their behaviour was not helping Santa at all. So when a small group of penguins actually started packing up the presents in a relatively civilized manner, Santa watched in amazement and relief. He was just about to go and get a cup of coffee and a mince pie, when he noticed that one of the penguins was doing something strange with a pot of glitter.

The penguin sniggered in a wicked tone of voice as he mixed the glitter up in a test tube which he had produced from under a wing, with some different coloured glitter, then he produced what looked like a ray gun and zapped the glittering concoction with it.

Santa gasped with horror, but before he could stop it, the penguin had scurried outside with the test tube and thrown the strange newly created glitter out onto the snow. His remaining Elves rushed out to clear it up, but somehow it had all vanished by the time they got there. This worried Santa but he had no time to investigate, he really had to get on with his job, it was the day before Christmas Eve and he was late with his preparations already.

The following day in England, the festive season was in full force. The shops were heaving with last minute shoving shoppers and hysterical toddlers. Everywhere seemed very glittery, there was lots of glitter on cards, room decorations, tree decorations, and even on people. This glitter was new, it was extra sparkly and bright, and people were beginning to find that it was impossible to wash off.

Meanwhile; Ralph was cold, but since his wife died that was nothing new. He stumbled along the frozen ground hugging the over-hanging hedgerow to get as much shelter as possible; the winter wind was merciless, cutting across the flat open fields. His home was in the next field, in the shelter of a copse and surrounded by hedgerows. He’d been lucky, so far no one had noticed his tent or the fire that he’d left alight to keep the tent warm, although smoky. He couldn’t wait to get warmed up within his sleeping bag with a hot mug of soup. Glitter didn’t feature in his life, although he did like to imagine Father Christmas and had even written him a letter this year, asking for somewhere proper to live, with heating, a bathroom and a solid roof. He had considered asking for female company too but thought that might be pushing his luck. For a few moments while he wrote the letter he had cheered up and felt almost like a little boy again, at home with his parents on Christmas Eve.

In the nearby town, they were beginning to realise that there was something wrong with the glitter.

It wasn’t normal, and it wouldn’t wash off, but by the time they had realised, it was too late.

The stuff worked it’s way into your body and clumped together, when enough had got inside you – boom! You turned into a penguin! Shoppers everywhere were turning into Penguins, ambulances were called but all they could do was call the fish van to feed them. Police started tracing the source of the glitter outbreak, but they too became penguins and waddled off to jump into the river and go fishing.

After spending Christmas day alone in his tent, Ralph wandered back into town. He was surprised to see that it was empty, the shops were empty and left open! There were no people anywhere! He assumed it was due to the Christmas mayhem, and helped himself to a can of soup and a loaf of bread and returned to his tent bemused.

He was nice and cosy in his sleeping bag, having had his soup and toast when he heard bells jingling immediately outside the tent, hooves trampled the ground and a male voice called out, “Hello, You in there, I’ve got a present for you! Yo, ho, ho,! what a jolly campsite you have here, reminds me of my grotto!” Ralph nearly jumped out of his skin! That cheap wine he’d had for Christmas must have ruined his liver already he thought, and now I’m imagining things, but he popped his head out of the tent anyway. Santa stood there smiling, and handed him a small perfectly wrapped box. He thanked Santa, and offered him some soup, but the old man was in a hurry to return to Lapland so he couldn’t stay.

Though he did stay long enough to warn Ralph, not to go into the shopping centre again, “ Just get your food from the none Christmassy shops, so you can avoid the glitter” he said, without further explanation. That’s strange thought Ralph.

Inside the box there was a set of house keys, with a label that read No 9 High Street, and a neatly folded piece of paper which was the deeds to the property. Ralph walked to the house in a daze, and opened the door, it was perfect, it was warm, had a bathroom, a solid roof and it was his! He was overjoyed.

Having made himself at home, he turned the telly on, the news reader was jabbering on about some strange kind of glitter out- break, apparently it had escaped from the North Pole after global warming had caused it to become genetically modified, which was why everyone had been turned into penguins and disappeared into the sea in search of fish.

He was aghast at this, and realised that Santa had not only given him the perfect gift but also possibly saved his life by warning him not to go to the shops. He poured himself a whiskey from the well stocked drinks cabinet, and relaxed onto the comfy sofa, it was almost a perfect day, he must be dreaming he thought.

Then, there was loud knock on the door, he answered it to find the prettiest woman he’d ever seen, “Can you help me please, she implored, I’m being chased by a gang of penguins, I think they may be after my fruit and nut chocolate bar!” He quickly ushered her in and slammed the door in the beak of an aggressively pursuing penguin, she thanked him and smiled, apologising for her intrusion on his time, he shrugged and said I’m glad I could help, anyway it’s nice to see a friendly face. They looked at each other, she smiled again and his heart started thumping, he knew that his Christmas had now only just begun.

Felix - Fleeting Glimpses

Here is a poem I wrote about Felix, his memory is still around, on the sofa, on the window sill, and in the painting hanging on the wall.

Felix - Fleeting glimpses

Sometimes I think,

when looking at you in the painting,

that you will,

stand up, stretch forward,

on your front short legs,

spine lengthening.

Stubby tail uncurling,

like a black flag pole,

and come running to me.

Like I've nearly forgotten,

you always did.

Telling me about,

everything that's happening,

with your quirky little cross eyed grin.

Sometimes I catch you

sleeping in the arm chair,

among the discarded jumpers and such,

your subtle energy

peacefully reminding me,

You're no longer there.

Sometimes missing you

is far too hard to bear.

The Belly Dancers

The following is a short story that I wrote as homework for the Scribbler's Writer's group which I currently belong to. The theme was to "write about a crime I would commit if I knew I would get away with it!" For some reason this humorous group of unlikely lady villains popped into my head. 

The Belly Dancers

The three of us met at the belly dancing class as usual on Thursday afternoon at the Town hall.

Vivacious Vera is blonde and recovering from a stroke so she goes to improve her coordination and cheer herself up a bit.

Kelly has M.E. the same as me, and we both go to the class to maintain our fitness and also have a much needed laugh.

But it’s a struggle for all three of us, not just physically doing the dancing but also paying for the classes.

We are all out of work for the foreseeable future, no one would employ us even if we did feel up to the job.

So it was after the class, at the bar, over our glasses of shandy, and while comparing notes on how poor we were, that Vera, who had just lost her incapacity benefit appeal, came up with an idea.

“I know, lets rob a bank!” she exclaimed, looking flushed from the dancing and laughing at the craziness of her idea.

Kelly and I laughed too, but the longer we sat there drinking our shandies the more it became an interesting proposition.

Hadn’t that bank been robbing us for years anyway? With extortionate fees and interest rates? While we each struggled with depression and the hopelessness of our individual situations.

“Yes lets do it!” I said resolutely and straightened my back.

“Yes, why not, what is there to lose” I laughed.

Kelly looked at me wide eyed and bemused and then at Vera, trying to ascertain if we were serious or not.

“O.K. I’m in; I could knit the balaclavas!” She laughed.

Next day we met at Kelly’s and planned the robbery.

We would all wear our belly dancing costumes with veils covering our faces.

Kelly’s son had two high powered water pistols that looked just like shotguns, so we commandeered them for the heist.

Vera had the fastest car, so she would be our get away driver.

It was down to Kelly and me to do the robbery. We practiced a few role plays, I learned to say

 “Give me all of your money bitch” in a menacing voice.

While Kelly practiced waving a water pistol around the room, without firing it, and saying    “This is a robbery and I will shoot anyone who moves” in an equally menacing manner. While trying not to giggle.

We had to move quickly, before we lost our nerve, so we did the bank the next day.

It was Friday, the bank should be awash with cash.

We met at Vera’s, yesterdays bravado had slipped away, we all looked pale and worried as we shut the car doors.

I had the loot bags, high class calico shopping bags, one has to be kind to the environment and look good even during a robbery.

We  arrived outside the bank at 14:00 hundred hours, having first checked there were no police about.

Vera sat in the drivers seat, engine running, while we both disembarked and headed for the bank.

I heard the car stall as we entered the building, but it was too late to turn back, the engine was being turned over and stalling again.

With veils hiding our faces we danced into the bank, Kelly held her water-pistol high and shouted to everyone there to “Stay still or be shot!!” I switched on my small music system playing our belly dancing tunes so we could keep dancing during the raid.

A woman customer screamed, her husband put his hand over her mouth and held her tight to him.

Kelly pointed the gun at them and shouted “Shut up or be shot!”

I danced over to the counter and shouted in my best bank robber's tone of voice

“Give me all the money Bitch!” while shoving the water-pistol at her chest.

Funnily enough she actually did it, no questions or suggesting I used the ATM!

She dropped wads and wads of used twenties and tens into the shopping bags, and finally wads of fifties were thrown into and filled the last bag.

“That’s all we’ve got she said quietly, gulping back tears.

“Great because that’s all my bags full up now. Great doing business with you! And by the way, if you try anything when we’re leaving I will shoot all of you, do you get me?!

ALL OF YOU bitch!!

I backed out of the bank, Kelly followed waving her shotgun in the air and shrieking.

We jumped into the car, but Vera couldn’t get it to start, her face was scarlet.

“It just died!” She gasped

“Now what do I do?”

Just then an elderly man was walking past,

“Hello dear, are you having car trouble?” he leaned against her window, she nodded through the glass.

“Pop the bonnet, I’ll see what it is, used to be an army engineer you know!” He smiled reassuringly.

Kelly and I were beside ourselves, frozen to the seats hearts pounding.

“Try not to look suspicious” I whispered to her as we whipped off our belly dancing veils and buttoned up cardigans over our costumes. Kelly started pulling on a pair of stretch jeans, tucking the costume into them.

I wrapped a long skirt around my ensemble and began hyperventilating.

Just as I started passing out, the old man said “arh that’s your problem, some dirt in the spark plug”, he got an old hanky out and wiped it clean, returning the plug to its rightful place with some gadget he'd taken out of his car tool kit.

I passed out, but woke up to find us in Vera’s garage, with Kelly shaking me and offering a glass of water.

So we did it! Got clean away, no fuss or fuzz!

It was in the news, a reward for info. offered, but it soon got forgotten.

Kelly bought herself a nice house in the country. I had a long holiday on board a cruise ship. And returned to buy a Scottish castle, six months later.

Vera bought a very expensive motor home, hired a nice young man to be her chauffeur and spends her time travelling around, often dropping in on us or taking us all out for spontaneous trips to nice places. Where we laugh and talk about belly dancing and water pistols.

The Fisherman's Inn

This year I won fourth prize in the annual writing competition, held by the creative writing group that I belong to, called The Scribblers. Having toyed with the idea of publishing it on my Facebook page, and thinking better of it, as the word count is a little longer than the last one I put on Facebook. I've decided to put it here instead. The exercise was to produce a short story of no more than 1,500 words, to a set ending, set by the previous year's winner, and it reads -" after everything that had happened, she turned around and instead of a dark troubled sky, there was the most beautiful golden sunset". etc. So here it is, happy reading!

Andrea Weeding, 1,500 words

The Fisherman’s Inn

Kev’s eyes darted from the angry couple in front of him. Beyond them the Inn’s old oak door swished lazily open, its heaviness pushed partly by the force of a strong westerly wind, leaves blew in and under the nearest table.

The couple had been ill, after drinking his pub’s beer, they reckoned that as the beer tasted o.k. the lines must need cleaning, and “why has this been neglected?” asked the man with an angry red face.

Through the doorway behind them, clacked a petite red haired woman, in high heels and red lipstick.

“Stunning”, thought Kev, she smiled delightfully and radiated charm, so much that the angry couple smiled back at her, immediately disarmed.

“Stupid people” thought Kev, “why should I clean the pipes? His mind flicked to the petite lady. He smiled graciously at the red head, his afternoon saviour, he was weary of fending off these country bumpkins. When would they take the hint? She obviously wasn’t from around here, he liked her immediately.

It turned out that she was his only applicant for the position of Pub manager/bar staff/housekeeper.

“Good evening Mr Ricard, I’m Brenda.” She extended her soft manicured hand with  varnished red nails, he shook her hand gleefully, she was perfect, she could start next week. Her only proviso was free accommodation, for herself and the dog Bracken. “Perfect” he thought, “that’s my security guard vacancy filled too and all on minimum wage” he hummed merrily to himself.

She was given the attic room, no good for B&B customers as the roof leaked, just a bit, she won’t mind.

Brenda fixed the leak and the stained ceiling on their first night, with an elegant flick of her rose scented wrist and her trusty old willow wand. The ceiling was made good as new, as were the old bed springs and the thread bare carpet. Soon her little attic room was a comfortable oasis of calm.

She felt that they would be very happy here, after she had just made a few more adjustments.

A voice had led her across the world, to this old rambling pub sat on the banks of a pretty river. It was frequented by narrow boats and holiday makers, who scrambled ashore onto the pub’s jetty, for real ale and chips, ice cream for the kids and a bowl of water for the dog. It really was a lovely place to spend quality time.

“It’s so peaceful here” She sighed as she walked Bracken that evening.  Bracken sniffed the air and barked as if in agreement, then turned back to the pub.

“A new broom sweeps clean” smiled Brenda the next day, Kev grinned back at her, enjoying her newly revealed cleavage in her barmaids blouse, as she hoovered the pub floor.

Three months later, Brenda began wondering about Kev’s motives. Though she enjoyed the excitement of running the pub, Kev seemed unmoved, there was a brooding atmosphere around him, even when he was smiling and talking to customers. He looked worried, she thought, especially when she cleaned the beer lines, which she did quite often.

Six months later….

“Kev’s in London today, Brenda told the cleaner, as she hurried past with an armful of clean linen, for the bedrooms. It was early Saturday morning, best day of the week, loads of new folk to meet.

“I’ll be manning the office today” Brenda grinned.

“Ok ” She smiled back.

Brenda trotted into the office, opened the accounts book and involuntarily tutted. All that income from the inn, but nothing was being spent on it. There was a long list of wines and spirits purchased only last week, but where had they gone? They weren’t behind the bar; it was embarrassing telling customers their only choice was between two beers. Even the crisps selection had dwindled to just ready salted. A loose piece of yellow paper fell out, it was a local authority planning application notice!

“What the hell is this?” She said under her breath. It read…

“to whom it concerns, the owner of Fisherman’s Inn has hereby applied for permission to erect ten, five bedroom houses fronting onto Rambler’s Drove.

Also a two storey extension, to front and rear of existing property.

Also a Gambling license for afore said Inn, 

Changing existing premises to 150 Bedroom Hotel and Casino, with indoor swimming pool.”

She sat down hard and peered through the office doorway at the pub’s customers, happily flopped on comfy chairs having their breakfast, dogs at their feet. Outside boating holiday makers were already chugging up the river towards the inn, anticipating a pint in the sunshine. All that would go if this planning permission was granted.

“No! It won’t happen, not on my watch!” She shut the book.

The previous owner Mr Granger, had haunted the Inn, since his death last year. It was he who had called to Brenda, across the desert, where she had tried to ignore the pull of his cries, but had finally dusted off her magic carpet, gathered her wand, her dog, and her best lipstick to fly with the Sahara winds, steering straight to this Inn, from one oasis to another.

Now she understood why. “He can’t rest while his Pub is threatened” She applied a fresh layer of red lip stick, while a plan formed in her mind.  

Over the coming months Kev became painfully aghast at the massive change in the fortunes of Fisherman’s Inn.

So many people turned up, that the B&B was fully booked, the bar always packed, the restaurant full, even the beer garden overflowed with customers. He watched Brenda, and guessed that she was the reason.

“Hardly surprising” he thought “With knockers like those, and such wondrous legs…” I should have known better, she’s going to wreck my plans, she’ll have to go!”

But he couldn’t sack her, for what reason? As much as he tried he couldn’t come up with a single reason for her dismissal. Her spell on him worked well, it usually did.

The W.I. started holding regular meetings at the Inn, while their eager husbands sampled a vast selection of beers. All Brenda’s work, just a flick of the wrist with her willow wand!

Kev’s planning application was refused, with the help of Counselor Evan’s wife who ran the W.I. and other prominent locals.

Brenda was particularly happy the day the letter of refusal arrived. Kev couldn’t understand it, he always got his way, “why was that woman so damned happy anyway”?

He suspected that she knew something. He drank some of the gin that she had magically procured for the bar. How did she do it? He had tight control over the money. Did she know about the application? He had to get shot of her; she was wrecking his chances of a profitable development.

That night, after hours, he did the only thing left to do. He poured a trail of petrol from the door to the bar, stood at the open doorway and chucked a lit match into the petrol, the flame ran along, he left quickly, needing an alibi.

Up in the attic Bracken was going crazy, barking and running around. Brenda followed him, he rushed out of the door as soon as she opened it, and down the stairs. Smoke billowed up towards them but Brenda used her quenching spell, her wand activated itself, its sparkles of magic flew around quenching the smoke and flames.

They reached the bar, where a sooty trail across the floor had been smothered.

The B&B customers appeared in their pajamas; one had a mobile phone and photographed the petrol trail.

Kev was duly arrested, “its twenty years for arson” said the arresting officer, Kev protested his innocence but went quiet when Brenda arrived at his court hearing. The judge smiled across at her like an old friend. Kev went down for the full term; his usual friendly veneer hadn’t worked for him this time.

Brenda bought the Inn when it was auctioned off. She felt at home, running her own pub.  Mr Granger’s ghost visited on her first night as new owner, he said “I am so happy, now the inn is safe, I can rest, good luck my dear, I don’t think I’ll be back again” the ghost faded towards the heavy oak door and was gone.

The following afternoon just as the sun was setting, customers in the beer garden clapped as Brenda and Bracken joined them.

“Well done! Congratulations!

She smiled and Bracken wagged his tail with gusto. One of the W.I. ladies came and gave her a big hug “Well done, we are all very grateful, you’ve saved our pub! Brenda felt her eyes moisten, she loved these people and she loved her pub.

After everything that had happened, she turned around and instead of a dark troubled sky, there was the most beautiful golden sunset. A pink ethereal light glowed across the land reflecting rose flames in every window. 

 

Thinking about Felix

This is Felix, we were his people from 2005 -2019. You can see he has a shaved belly after having an ultra sound scan at the v.e.t.s. when he became ill the first time. 
It was late July 2005 and I had persuaded my husband to accompany me on a nice walk across our nearby fields, on Berry Fen. We had only got a short way, down the entry footpath to the first field, when we saw a little skinny black and white cat, with a lovely shiny coat, dashing hither and thither in and out of the hedgerows along the footpath we were on. Being cat people we made encouraging noises to the cat, and he stopped hunting and focused his attention on us, he spoke to us "meiow, meiiow, meeeiow" and started to circle around us while continuing to let us know that somthing was wrong. Well, I was all for walking away, telling my hubby that the cat probably belonged to a nearby house and not to worry. But after a while observing the cat's irratic behaviour, we both postponed our walk and hubby ran back home to fetch the cat carrier, we would take him in tonight if no one claims him, when we knock on nearby doors. No body claimed him, so he spent the night with us, he was starving hungry, and nearly ate the plate when we first fed him, and he cried like a baby, his meiows sounded just like a new born baby crying full throttle. I have M.E. and so, due to his loud baby mieows got no sleep that night. We took him to the vets the next day, to check if he had a microchip, sure enough he did. His owners were living just up the other end of the village in a modern cul-de-sac and they were emmigrating that very day, we know this as we took Felix to them, the container with all their possesions was parked outside their house, all that remained was a desk in their laminate floored living room, we let Felix out of his carrier as we talked, and he tappy toed up and down the bare hard floor mieowing his baby cries. His owners told us how he had disapeared six months ago, and after much searching, they had given him up for dead. So they hadn't been able to get him passported/innoculated (along with their other cat) and whatever else was needed to be able to take him with them to Canada. They would have to hand him to a pet rescue that day before leaving. My husband said "oh no! could we have him? We would love to have him!" His owner agreed, gave us a cheque to cover initial costs and off we went. I wasn't so sure this would work, as we already had a fiesty long haired tabby cat called Purrdy, and due to Felix's loud mieow I was worried about how this would effect my ability to sleep at night. But hubby was determined, so I agreed.
After a week, Felix stopped his late night baby cries, and I was able to relax and sleep at night. Felix had settled into our household and made it his home too. He loved the beds, especially newly made beds with fresh clean linen to lounge on and snuggle into. This is what initially told me that he was a pet cat and not a feral cat. He never lost his love of bed snuggling.
Felix also had a great sense of humour, he continued to enjoy running around in circles a lot, for the rest of his life, we wondered if this was because of his wonky eye which apparently was the result of his mother treading on him when he was born, he was I believe the runt of the litter, and apparently got picked on a lot by the other cats, so he developed a defensive attitude towards other cats, this was often to his own detriment especially when a new neighbour moved in next door with the psycho cat from hell, but that's another story. Needless to say we had many emergency trips to the vets as a result of his fights with cats who dared to trespass on his territory.
Our other cat Purrdy soon got used to him and his comical ways, one of her tricks was to lay outstretched on her favourite armchair and wait for him to pass near her while doing his usual circling patrol of the lounge, when he was near enough she would lean out and swipe at him with a mischeivous grin on her face, I don't think claws were used, she just loved to make him jump, and start his circling all over again. But on cold winter days they would be best friends and snuggle up together to keep warm and sleep the day through while keeping an eye on the high street from their armchair.
Over the following forteen years Felix became my constant companion. I have had several episodes of ill health and he was always there for me, either on my lap, on my bed or on my belly while I rested on the sofa, usually purring and dribbling and needing my belly or my boobs, apparently this was due to him being weened too early?! He was a healing cat, and took his job very seriously I think.
The bottom line is he loved his family very much, and we grew to love him too. His constant "talking" endeared him to anyone who met him, he really was a very knowing cat, and even predicted the weather for us, he particularly hated windy weather and would spend the day before any storms mieowing incessantly until I relented and allowed him to hide in one of the bedrooms, on or under the duvet ofcourse.
He was a hunter, and caught a few Black-birds until they got wise to him, then the tables were turned and every spring and summer he would get mobbed by irrate brooding blackbirds as he patrolled his territory, I would watch with laughter from the kitchen, as he would have to run the length of our long garden to the house with his body low and head down like a man going over the trenches in WW1 as the blackbirds around him scolded and divebombed at him, then he would crash through the cat flap and tell me all about it.
One summer afternoon we were out in the garden together, when a particularly irrate Blackbird started to divebomb at him, I laughed, he put up with it for a few divebombs, then suddenly right in front of me he looked at me appearing to grin and waiting till the blackbird was at its lowest divebomb height above his head, he launched himself up vertically, pushing up with his back legs his front legs stretched up as high as he could until he had his front paws around the blackbird's body, then just let it go again, it shrieked and flew for cover in an embarassed kind of way. He just looked like he was laughing while he was doing it, and afterwards ran and jumped on my lap on the deckchair, like it was a job well done.
He loved to be my entertainment I think.
He also loved to watch TV, and would snuggle up with the pair of us on the sofa for our evening viewing, he particularly enjoyed Spring Watch and would try to locate the baby birds as they fledged behind the tv. He also enjoyed watching the 6 o'clock news with hubby, and appeared to be fascinated with the Brexit debate. Oh and he liked James Bond films too.
Over the last few months he enjoyed having some special time on the sofa with hubby and a plate of Wensleydale cheese with cranberries and biscuits, while watching the 6o'clock news. Hubby had the cheese with biscuits while Felix had his with thyroid and heart tablets hidden within the chunks of tasty cheese, Felix loved this special treat for some weeks, he really felt like he had had an illicit treat eating with his "Dad" on the sofa. 
But by last Thursday those special cheese treats had lost their appeal, and Felix's breathing difficulties became too much for him, and despite us promising that he would soon be home from his check-up at the very nice v.e.t.s. Felix had to be put-to-sleep, he come home with us, but not as we wanted, no noise from his carrier box on the back seat of the car this time, just a peaceful bundle wrapped gently in his favourite old towel, his dear body spent the night in our conservatory, and was tearfully buried in a favourable location in the garden, (near where he ambushed the Blackbird a few summers back), the next day. We will miss you Felix, night night little man, God bless.